i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
