Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
