Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
