Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize