I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
