Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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