I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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