right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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