yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
When are your genitals available?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
