Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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