Got a toothbrush?
2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
