Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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