Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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