Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
