so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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