what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
