Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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