I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize