I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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