My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
