it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
