can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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