I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
