I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
