I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
