I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
