In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize