There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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