I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
