fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
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