Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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