Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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