how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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