Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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