I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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