You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
