Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
