What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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