maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She bit a glass in half.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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