I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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