i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
