Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
