So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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