Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
