my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Randomize
