No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
