Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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