So many bounce houses so little time
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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