i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
pray to the hookup gods
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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