I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
