i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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