My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
