i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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