I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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