Michael Bay diarrhea
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
foreskin is a definite game changer
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
