thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
