i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
