My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
