You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
