After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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