My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You smell like stripper and shame
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
