I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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