Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
