It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
