I'm gonna have a badass scar
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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