You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
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