god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
The cops high fived after they tackled you
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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