Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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