is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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