sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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