i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
