I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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