Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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