in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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