i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Sober January is a disaster.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
