Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
