mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize