I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
