Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
