At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
