i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
