we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
