he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
