how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Randomize
