So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
