Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
