benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
