third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Randomize
