did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
