Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize