i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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