the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
