Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
