When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
