apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i love accidental penises.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
