I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
