...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
