i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
