I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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