you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
