I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
There's always time for handjobs
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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