I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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